Lonely no more dating
It makes us desperate enough to look outside ourselves for someone to rescue and save our lives in every sense of the word. Then when they are in their 30s they want to find this last hope guy. Girls should be desperate and lonely in their 20s, We guys are. And like the Poet Rilke says Love is the work for which all other work is but preparation. To be alone feels like 100, no 1000 cold daggers stabbing you deep in your heart. This is nature tell you to go out there and find your other half. I talk to Eastern European girls who have their Ph D’s and are super successful directors of large companies.
If you are single and not desperate and not looking that is totally messed up. Here is the full quote: For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. You feel this most depressed at night or when then sun goes down, around holidays in the winter, basically most of the time. Since I teach them English I get to talk with many girl one on one about things like relationships and love as it is often brought up in conversation. Don’t you want some leggy super hot girl, and I mean real beauty like on a magazine cover, looking into your eyes with her swollen soft lips, whispering in a somewhat depressed, but soft alluring voice ”I need you, I am so lonely and I desperately need you’.
Why is it that Americans feel the need to almost apologize when they are looking for someone?
They feel the need to qualify things with statements like ‘ I am not desperate’ . Many Americans behave like if you do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend that looks like someone out of a J. If you date someone, but they are not your one and only, that is messed up.
If you are not chewing the fat on the weekends with some group of friend at a clam bake watching the sun set, having dry wine and french cheese than you are not living. It does not allow you to feel the full pain of being single and lonely, therefore, push you to action. It just means you have the courage of your convictions to wait. For example, if you started to talk to these European beauties they would be probability be thanking you, if they were single.
This is not a feel-sorry-for-us or toot-our-own-horns post. But if you’re reading this and already nodding, I’m trusting that you already get it. They have the relationship without the commitment (the very thing these kids reject). You’ve walked a painful road, but you didn’t have to.
It’s most definitely not a rainbows and unicorns post. There is not a week that goes by that I do not receive multiple emails, phone calls, Facebook messages, or texts either from someone currently in the trenches or someone who knows someone who is. That you know what it’s like to step out of your comfortable American Christianity and choose one of the unwanted ones. And you’re so damn tired of having to put your other kids on the sidelines while every ounce of your energy and every second of your time are devoted to the one who demands all. You’ve supposedly ruined their life before you were ever in it. You’re looked at with suspicion under a microscope. The world outside of your inner circle has painted you as a failure who just didn’t know what you were getting into. They have the hero complex without really getting their hands dirty.
This is a no-holds-barred, bare-it-all solidarity-seeking attempt. You wake up every day exhaling a supernatural prayer to inhale supernatural peace and supernatural strength, because it’s harder than hell to navigate this dark and untrodden road. Or the worst, to flat out accuse you of totally sucking as a parent. And if you let them in on it, they don’t believe you or think you’re just not trying hard enough. So we’re scared to speak up or reach out, because it’s often better just to suffer alone than have it piled on by others too.
This is for you, adoptive parents of trauma kids, because you are most definitely NOT alone. You are depressed because darkness and strife have taken over your previously semi-docile home. having to gather up your littles and leave the house in a moment’s notice—But the eggshells are a guarantee. You try to explain to your relatives what it’s really like to live with this child, but they don’t get it. Forget the fact that your other kids are perfectly decent, kind individuals (most of the time).